Advice from clinical psychologist David Coleman on how men can deal with violence and ways to encourage your child to study for Reviews their Junior Cert.
Question: We have two boys, aged three and six. The six-year-old is very wilful and oppositional. I am really worried about how my husband responds to him. He gets so angry and ends up roaring, shouting and threatening our son. He has grabbed our son, roughly, several times in the heat of the moment. My husband does know he is doing wrong, but he just blames his own upbringing, as his father was a violent man who Terrified the whole household. I do not know how to deal with things when it gets volatile, but I worry about them both.
David replies: You are right to worry about them both. However, the bigger problem is that you have with your husband and his behavior.
If your husband does act, as you describe, then it is no wonder that your son Appears wilful and oppositional. He has probably learned to be stubborn, angry and threatening from his dad.
Roaring, shouting, grabbing and manhandling a child, in the uncontrolled way that you describe, is never called for. It is simply not good enough for your husband to try to excuse his behavior on the basis that this is how he was brought up.
While his mistreatment by his own father probably does explain why he now acts as he does, it does not excuse it. If your husband has the insight that his behavior is wrong then he must take responsibility for changing it.
Question: We have two boys, aged three and six. The six-year-old is very wilful and oppositional. I am really worried about how my husband responds to him. He gets so angry and ends up roaring, shouting and threatening our son. He has grabbed our son, roughly, several times in the heat of the moment. My husband does know he is doing wrong, but he just blames his own upbringing, as his father was a violent man who Terrified the whole household. I do not know how to deal with things when it gets volatile, but I worry about them both.
David replies: You are right to worry about them both. However, the bigger problem is that you have with your husband and his behavior.
If your husband does act, as you describe, then it is no wonder that your son Appears wilful and oppositional. He has probably learned to be stubborn, angry and threatening from his dad.
Roaring, shouting, grabbing and manhandling a child, in the uncontrolled way that you describe, is never called for. It is simply not good enough for your husband to try to excuse his behavior on the basis that this is how he was brought up.
While his mistreatment by his own father probably does explain why he now acts as he does, it does not excuse it. If your husband has the insight that his behavior is wrong then he must take responsibility for changing it.
0 comments:
Post a Comment